November 1, 2012 and so it begins...

Shylock:
The pound of flesh, which I demand of him,
Is dearly bought; 'tis mine and I will have it.If you deny me, fie upon your law! ~William Shakespeare

"A pound of flesh" is a figurative way of referring to a harsh demand or spiteful penalty—the consequences of defaulting on a desperate bargain." ~eNotes

Welcome to my weight loss and fitness blog, A Pound of Flesh. I can think of no harsher penalty than denying myself food and junk food. I love to eat and enjoy trying new foods. However, I cannot continue on the path I am on and stay alive.

When Mark & I were married in 2000, I weighed about 145 pounds. Not the best weight, but fairly healthy. Within a year, I became pregnant with Matthew. I gained about 40 pounds during the pregnancy and had gestational diabetes starting around week 18. It resolved with the delivery, but my doctors all told me I should lose weight to avoid becoming Type II diabetic. In 2003, I became pregnant with Emma. I started with the gestational diabetes at around the 5 week mark. I weighed around 170 at the time. Although I lost weight during the pregnancy at times, I ended up gaining about 20 pounds. By the time Emma turned 2, I weighed 200 pounds. That is just outrageous to me.

I kept telling myself that I didn't want to become like my friends who have lost massive amounts of weight and become OBSESSED with food. I never want to use the term "spray" and "butter" together as a phrase and God Forbid that I use it on a food that I'm cooking! I detest counting calories and eating lettuce more than once or twice a week. AND WHY OH WHY would anyone cut bread out of their diets on purpose? Looking back, it was all just a copout. I am already obsessed with food. I finish a meal and think about a snack. I finish a snack and think about the next meal. I watch Food Network on TV. I buy cookbooks and kitchen equipment that I never use because if I own the right gadgets, I'll be able to cook the right meals and automatically lose weight.

So far, that has gotten me to a whopping 220.8 lbs as of an hour ago. More than I've ever weighed, more than my dad weighs! I am wearing a size 22 in pants. I am borderline diabetic. I have just surpassed being borderline high blood pressure and probably officially have high blood pressure. I go to the doctor in the next couple weeks and I'm sure I'll be medicated at that point. I wear my husband's shirts because I can't find girl's shirts that fit me comfortably. I don't want to be miserable anymore.

On top of that, I have no idea where I'm going to fit the time to work out and cook healthy meals into my week. I work about 45 hours a week, every week. Mark (my hubby) works about 47 hours a week, more than that at times. We work at the family business which means that you're never really "off" from work. Dad's computer breaks? Well, I've got to get it back on-line. Special events? Yep, I've got them covered. Done by Friday, well of course it will be. On top of all that work, we have three kids, Heather 22, Matthew 11, and Emma 8. They are the light of our lives. We work such crummy hours we pulled them out of public school and now homeschool (the younger two) so that we can spend more time with them. Homeschool...yeah, that takes about 25-35 hours per week. On top of the kids, we have two ridiculous English bulldogs and my oldest's rat terrier (we affectionately call her the devil). We have two geriatric cats who are misbehaving at the moment and any number of other things that put demands on our time.

In other words, we're a little busy. Everything is super important and can't be cut out. I sleep about 5-6 hours a night. I don't know where the time and energy is going to come from to exercise, but we've got to find it. We did start walking a few weeks ago. I know though that with the cold of winter, the walking will stop. I physically can't stay out in the cold too much, I go into bronchitis at the drop of a hat.

I don't want my kids to think how we eat is healthy. I don't want my kids to think I look healthy. Already, I worry about them gaining weight or getting fat. My youngest wants to eat nothing but junk food. My oldest doesn't sleep or eat on any kind of healthy schedule. Since we are responsible for their full education now, how can I feel like I've done a good job if I don't teach them nutrition, healthy living, and good food choices. I want them to seek out opportunities to work out and exercise. That only happens with me setting the example of health and thoughtful choices. THOUGHTFUL CHOICES. I haven't made too many of those lately, unless it was deciding between almond joy and kit kats.

Probably, I would put off the beginning forever, until I threw a clot or had a heart attack anyway. An object at rest tends to stay at rest and I am anything if I'm not Newtonian. However, our friend Tamara likes competition and she is at a similar crossroads to the one Mark & I are at. We must lose weight for our health. So here we are...setting goals and measuring fat parts and counting dreaded calories. Dreaded, dreaded calories :(

SO, the competition:
Our challenge, if we choose to accept it, encompasses 9 1/2 weeks (from now until January 1, 2013. Set up short-term and long-term goals and start working towards them. Compete for fun and profit with like-minded friends. We each throw a couple bucks into the pot each week and the top three get a share of it at the end of the competition.

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The Goals:
Goal #1: Win the Lottery
Goal #2: Use said lotto winnings to hire a personal trainer/chef named Jacamo to sculpt my body and Mark's body into forms worthy of Nubian Gods...while we sleep.

Barring that, I guess I should set some more plausible goals:

Goal #1: to fit into a "normal" pant size. No more shopping at the big and fat store.

Goal #2: Lose 100 pounds in a reasonable amount of time (am I skinny now? How about...now?)

Goal #3: Let's be honest here, sex is way better when you weigh less. When you get to the point where you're moving things out of the way to make it all work, it's just less fun. I miss the stamina and the energy we used to have in the bedroom.

Goal #4: I want to NOT be short of breath over climbing the stairs or heck, I get winded yelling at the kids.

Goal #5: Learn more about clean eating and eating Real food (as in, the less processing the better), eating organic and cutting down on the amount of meals we eat out in restaurants.

I guess those are Long-term Goals. Over the first phase of the competition my list is this:

Goal #6: I hope to find an indoor exercise routine that Mark & I can do together

Goal #7: Get my consumption under control. Cut out sweeteners. My mom swears they affect memory and I can't says she's wrong...because I don't remember what she said!

Goal #8: Lose 20 pounds. I'm thinking that's not completely realistic. Especially since I've only cut my calories to 1650 per day. However, If I can start working out, it may be attainable.

Goal #9: Get back to the point where my fat clothes are comfortable (they're pretty tight at the moment and if I have to go up another size, I may just jump off a bridge!

Goal #10: Find some energy and get in a better mood. Maybe I could set unicorns and dragons as a goal too, right?

So, yeah, this book is about all I've got at the moment. I guess I'll post my horrific numbers below. Here's where I began:

My Measurements:
Weight: 220.8
Bicep: 14
Chest: 48.5
Waist: 47.75
Hip: 47
Thigh: 24.5

Calories eaten today: 1758

Calorie goal: 1643

Over by: 115

I may post a before picture tomorrow, but I just don't have it in me tonight. It's 1:25am and 7:00am is closer than I want it to be.

Make good choices